除了残障的苦难和性格的不和,信仰不同、世界观彼此冲突也是霍金与简恩的婚姻恶化的原因之一。2004年,简恩出版了她回忆跟霍金的婚姻生活的书《舞动星宿的乐曲——跟斯第芬一起生活》(Musicto Move the Stars – Life with Stephen,书名另译《霍金:前妻回忆录》),书中不仅坦白地谈及他们婚姻的难处和简恩自己的挣扎,也有大量的篇幅论及他们之间的信仰和世界观的冲突。不过,霍金多年的女秘书在该书出版后公开反驳简恩在书中对霍金的负面描述,并指责简恩照顾霍金并不尽心。
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[Douban] The Destructive Impact of a Dominant Mother on the Family (Including Popular Zhihu Comments)
Echo 飛思播客Physbook – July 12, 2014, 16:22
After watching a documentary on American serial killers, I was surprised to find that many psychopathic murderers seemed to share a common upbringing: they often came from families with dominant mothers. This piqued my curiosity, so I searched for several related articles and compiled them, hoping to provide insights for my peers on future family building and partner selection.
1. The More Dominant the Mother, the Weaker the Son and the More Aggressive the Daughter
A dominant woman is not necessarily a "strong woman." Here, dominance refers more to personality rather than career success. Many career-oriented women may be "iron ladies" in the workplace but "gentle wives" at home, often leading to happy marriages. On the other hand, some women may not have particularly successful careers but have an overbearing personality at home, insisting on having the final say in everything. These women can be described as dominant wives.
A book titled Women Must Be Ruthless to Maintain Their Status dedicates a chapter to discussing how a dominant woman can create pressure for her husband, leading to an unhappy marriage and a higher chance of infidelity. When a husband feels he is not respected at home, he may seek emotional comfort elsewhere. In recent years, emotional counseling programs have increasingly shown that when women are overly dominant in their families, not only does the husband suffer under their control, but their sons also face negative developmental consequences. In many cases, the stronger the mother, the weaker the son becomes.
A healthy family requires the presence of a strong father figure. The husband and father are often referred to as the "pillar of the family," not just because they provide financial support but because they should play a leading role in the household. If the father is absent or weak, and all power shifts to the mother, this can have serious psychological consequences for both sons and daughters.
Psychological studies indicate that when a father’s role becomes increasingly marginalized, the mother often becomes more domineering, making all the household decisions. Since children naturally identify with the same-gender parent, daughters of dominant mothers often grow up to be just as domineering, continuing the cycle into the next generation. In many families, tense mother-daughter relationships arise because of similar personalities—strong mothers often raise strong-willed daughters, and bad-tempered mothers often pass down their temper. Ironically, when daughters rebel against their mothers’ authoritarian control, they may unknowingly inherit the same controlling tendencies and apply them to their own relationships with their future children.
If a daughter constantly sees her mother expressing anger toward her father while growing up, she may unconsciously carry this resentment into her romantic relationships, often feeling inexplicably angry at her boyfriend or husband. Psychological counseling often reveals that many women who frequently lash out at their partners had mothers who treated their fathers in a similar way. As the old Chinese saying goes, "Like father, like son; like mother, like daughter." Parental influence shapes a child's personality and affects their psychological development.
A dominant mother is one who imposes her will on the family and children.
Four Major Negative Traits of a Dominant Mother:
Self-righteousness
Bossiness and arrogance
Controlling and interfering
Overly critical
Four Common Behaviors of a Dominant Mother:
The child must always listen to the mother, and the mother’s decision is final.
The mother closely monitors the child’s every move and is fully aware of their whereabouts and activities.
The child must report all activities and, in some cases, seek approval before acting.
The mother blindly dictates and interferes with the child’s personal and professional life.
Three Psychological Reasons Behind a Dominant Mother:
Externally strong but internally weak – She lacks security and independence, and her self-worth depends on external validation.
Strong possessiveness – She has an excessive emotional attachment to her daughter and places all her emotional burden on her.
A habit of control – She has been self-centered since childhood and has a deep-rooted tendency to manipulate and control others.
2. Excessive Control Makes Children Lose Confidence, Become Emotionally Unstable, and Overly Dependent on Parents
Overly strict parenting can erase a child's individuality, making them emotionally unstable, lacking confidence, and overly dependent on their parents. Some mothers treat parenting like managing a workplace, being strict and demanding perfection. If their child does not meet their expectations, they may scold or criticize them, significantly affecting their mental health and development.
Many mothers see their children's success as an extension of their own self-worth. If their children succeed, they feel successful; if their children fail, they feel like failures. As a result, they transfer this pressure onto their children, unconsciously imposing their will upon them. These constant restrictions often cause children to develop low self-esteem. Being overly strict deprives children of a sense of security, leading to psychological stress, anxiety, and an eventual loss of motivation. When this happens, no amount of criticism can inspire the child to take action—they become passive and unambitious.
Daughters of dominant mothers often adopt their mother’s traits without question, while sons tend to react by avoiding confrontation. Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler once noted that when a mother is highly authoritative and constantly criticizes others in the household, daughters may become sharp-tongued and critical, while sons may develop a habit of avoidance, preferring to remain silent rather than risk conflict.
When a dominant wife ridicules her husband for being weak, she is also indirectly sending the same message to her son. A controlling wife often raises an unassertive son, and the more she criticizes her husband for being weak, the more passive and timid their son becomes.
3. Dominant Mothers Lead to Unmasculine Sons
In modern families, many mothers are highly capable and take charge of household decisions, often because the father has a weaker presence. This forces the mother to assume leadership, and in doing so, she may unwittingly weaken the father’s role.
In families with dominant mothers, boys often face several problems:
Delayed Masculine Development – Without a strong father figure, boys may struggle with confidence and masculine identity.
Lack of Respect for Authority – Without a respected father figure, boys may not learn to respect hierarchy and authority.
Overprotection – Mothers who try to control everything prevent their children from developing independence.
Excessive Pressure – Mothers who expect perfection create anxiety and self-doubt in their children.
Difficulty in Decision-Making – Boys raised by dominant mothers may grow up unable to make independent decisions.
Passive Resistance – When faced with excessive control, children often develop passive resistance, becoming slow and unmotivated.
Poor Social Skills – Without proper role models, they may struggle with interpersonal relationships.
Mother-Son Enmeshment – Sons of dominant mothers may develop unhealthy emotional dependencies, making it difficult for them to form romantic relationships.
Conclusion
To maintain a balanced family dynamic, dominant mothers should ensure that fathers have an active role in parenting and decision-making. A wise mother allows her husband to be involved in family affairs, ensuring that their children have a balanced view of gender roles.
At the same time, fathers must take responsibility and actively participate in family matters instead of avoiding their duties.
Ultimately, the key issue is not dominance itself, but how authority is exercised—whether through understanding, respect, and communication or through sheer force and control.
True leadership in parenting means knowing when to be firm, when to be gentle, and how to guide children effectively.
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